When I Let Go of Being Perfect
Have you seen the movie Frozen? Frozen, not Frozen 2. One of the pivotal moments in the plot is when main character Elsa sings the beloved song “Let It Go”. If you haven’t seen the movie (have you been living under a rock?), at least pull the song up on Spotify and take a listen. Idina Menzel’s voice is worth the listen, even if you’re not that interested in the point I’m going to make in this blog.
Frozen was a hit for many reasons, but what was powerful for me about this movie was watching Elsa’s character arc. Over the course of the movie, Elsa learns that suppressing her emotions leads to loss of control of her superpowers (controlling snow and ice), while understanding and emotional balance allow her to wield her powers in safe and more effective ways.
A pivotal point in the movie is when Elsa sings “Let It Go”. She has been hiding from others out of fear and the desire to control her powers for a long time. When she sings “Let It Go”, many of the themes in the song’s lyrics are relatable to perfectionists. Like me.
An iconic image from Disney’s Frozen:
Elsa sings “Let It Go”
”be the good girl you always have to be/conceal don’t feel/don’t let them know”; As a recovering perfectionist, these words hit close to home.
Through yoga practice, therapy, 12 step programs, and somatic work, I have been graced with the ability to let go of some of my core beliefs from growing up that nearly destroyed me by the time I turned 20. I went through a healing crisis from ages 19-20 that changed the course of my life, and it was only through the above modalities and many kind and gifted healing professionals that I can see more of what put me in that bad place.
I was raised in a family and in a culture that taught me to not only be “good”, but to strive for perfection. In 12 step language, we stop being a human “being” and start being a human “doing” when we internalize these messages. We identify with our achievements and accolades, and our worth and value becomes tied to achieving. Unfortunately for me, I took this to heart and developed an eating disorder that nearly killed me.
Underneath many eating disorders, and I believe many mental health conditions, is this maladaptive desire to be perfect in order to control ourselves and our lives. There’s more to it than that, much more, but this blog is about perfectionism. At age 19, I learned to control my body’s weight, shape and size through controlling food and exercise, only because I felt so out of control in other areas of my life.
In the 20 years since that time, I have seen that “story” come up over and over again in my life. I need to be perfect , control outcomes (grades, sports, awards, job, body, house, relationship, money, etc. etc.), and that will keep me safe. That’s the story. Can you relate to this?
Fortunately, after many years spent healing, growing, and learning to live in new ways, I am finally able to surrender some of this perfectionism. Not all of it, not all at once, but a little bit, a little at a time. It’s wild how much I believed that I needed to be perfect in order to be loved and safe.
“it’s funny how some distance/makes everything seem small/and the fears that once controlled me/can’t get to me at all…no right no wrong/no rules for me/I’m free/Let it go”
Here’s to the perfectionists that found this blog learning to live in new and different ways. Yoga is a wonderful tool on journey. Feel free to schedule a free consultation with me on the home page on this website to see how I can support your unique healing journey.
